happy new year!

This has been my view all day.. unfortunately I am sick. And will not be joining the family for smores and champagne to bring in the new year. I know.. this is a feel sorry for myself kind of post :) but I can't help it.. I'm just that pathetic today.
Hope everyone has a fun New Years
for me!!

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Carrie Underwood "Change"

I absolutely love this song!!  Hopefully it will inspire you to know that we all have opportunities to make a difference in someones life. I cant get enough of this song.. It gives me chills everytime I hear it! This is so how I want to live.. never wanting to become hardened or numb to the realities of the needs around me. We ALL have the ability to change this world!

Best Friends!

Joanna came to visit me today!!! This is a great start to my Christmas vacation in Tennessee!!

We have been BEST friends since birth! I must say that's pretty awesome! Even when its been yrs apart! and months with out talking.. (btw..that so needs to change) we are able to just pick up right from where we left off.. Its amazing! Joanna is such a friend who I will forever cherish. I'm so thankful that God gave me such an incredible woman of God as a lifelong friend! There is no doubt in my mind that we will always be there for each other! 

sleeping frustrations

ok so.. this picture might be a little extreme! but I do envy those who have the ability to fall asleep wherever they lay their head down. As of lately this has been a real issue for me.. ugh.. If I could change one thing about myself this just might be it. haha but I think I'd rather be in a more comfortable position. This cant be good for your neck.

They are so precious!

I get to see my nieces in a few wks!

This is going to be such a fun Christmas! I cant wait!!

still love these guys...

and this song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWEm-FNVn1E&NR=1

Tiffany

 Last week my little sister Tiffany turned 21! I can't believe it.. Its amazing to think how fast we all grow up.. It feels like yesterday I was sitting in her crib playing with her as if she were my baby doll. I just adored her from the start! I'm so thankful for her and the lifelong friend God gave me.. Tiffany is so beautiful inside and out! I'm just so proud of her and the choices she makes.. Tiffany is the kind of girl who thinks before she does something. Its a gift that many can learn from. She has a heart for people and meaningful friendships. She is sensitive, loving, funny, compassionate, giving and trustworthy! and these are just a few.. I could go on. seriously though, Its been amazing to watch her grow up.. And I'm so incredibly blessed that she is my sister.

One of the reasons Tiffany is so special to me is because there was a time when it was just us. We moved to Utah when Tiffany was 10 and I was 15. we lived there for 8 yrs. and five of them she was the only other sister In the house with me. for those were very pivotal years for both of us, we needed each other. there was so much transition living in a completely foreign environment, changing schools, and making new friends. .

Also, moving to utah was the first time we had ever seen snow!! It was so exciting, like we were in the movies or something.. haha.. We just had to soak it all in. thats what you get for growing up in florida during the winter :) we were deprived of white Christmas's.. My dad tried his best by giving us instant snow. but thats just not the same. haha. So we embraced it all!

 

One thing we both enjoy together is snowboarding! Oh how I miss those days!! We had way too much fun on the mountain.. and we were also so spoiled with the rockies literally in our back yard. It was so beautiful! and am glad we got to enjoy it together.. Love you sis!

Its gonna be ok!

Well.. the last thing I posted I was in a different state of mind..

 Lately I have been learning more about my personality and why I do things.. I am a "peacemaker". So.. when I have feelings that are negative and frustrating I tend to try and ignore what I'm really feeling about myself and others.. This becomes so unsettling for me. Its as if I tell myself its wrong to feel this way.. like I'm sinning by not being joyful and positive. So today I was in such a state of mind that was not of those things.. and ultimately I was beating myself up for it.. 

So I decided to go talk through some of this with my dear friend Grace.. who I confide in A LOT with.. well, actually I was hoping not to talk and just do some palates with her ,but God had another plan for this evening.. He was like "No Heather! this day is not waisted.. I am teaching you and letting you feel the reality of life's challenges. So you will go over to Grace's house whether you like it or not "..ok maybe He said it in a more gentle voice.. but anyway you get the point. So I took a deep breath and walked in the door.. And much to my surprise :) the first thing she says to me Is how are you doing? Oh golly.. um I'm good. :) And In my mind I'm like "Really Grace you don't want to know all my crap. I have been moping around all day. blah blah blah.."  but no, she knows me all too well and to be honest she can read me like a book. So Grace and her amazing self says, ok lets process this.. 

 well.. that we did!! oh man, I don't know what I would do without her.. She is a gift from God.. because He knows me and what I do with my mind.."okay heather back to reality.. everything is ok.." ugh.. sometimes Its not and were not ok! so what I need to do is embrace it. it's totally normal to FEEL negative emotions! what I need to do is work through it, not around it or make excuses for them.. because In my natural joyful state of mind, I hate when my heart is heavy! I don't want to be mad, angry, confused, sad, jealous, hurt, lonely, and stressed.. ya know, its not fun when were in a battle.. its unpredictable and hurts a lot! and not a fun place to be.. I feel as though my heart cant handle it any longer.. But its gonna be ok! because these are the times in our life where we will grow and become stronger!!
 Emotions are a part of us.. Its as if I were climbing a mountain and haven't reached the top yet.. all the adventures a long the way make up part of the story.. My story... 

So I am going to embrace it all!!! and let God be my guide. He only knows what the top looks like.. I'm so excited to see it someday!! I trust You with my life.. thank you Jesus for bringing me in and out of the desert.. This is all apart of Your plan.. 

For He Is the Author and perfecter of our faith. Give God glory because He knows those who are heavy laden and gives them rest. Amen

blah...

I did not sleep good at all last night and today well.. its almost four and i'm still in my pj's.. and am completely unmotivated. Should I be concerned? well, i'm sure its not too concerning.. I just need to center my thoughts and emotions on the positive. which i usually do.. but what can i say. Im not perfect!  

There is just a lot on my mind these days.. because I feel as though some big decisions need to be made and I'm sick of making them! ugh.. I definitely feel the pressure of being an adult.. so if anyone reads this I could really use some prayer. 

For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:10-12

thankful for my family

Last year for thanksgiving we were all together In North Carolina! This year we were all scattered across the US. My parents went to Oklahoma, my sisters, brother, and nieces were in florida and I'm in Oregon. Atleast we all had unique experiences.

I am so looking forward to christmas when we will all be together again!! God has really blessed me with such an awesome family. For that I am truly grateful for every moment we get to be together. Love them all!!!

Love is Waiting till were ready.. till its right

These lyrics have been playing in my head for months.. so beautiful and relevant

my day in a nutshell..

Today was another pretty fantastic day! I met rochelle on her lunch break.. at insomnia coffee, Talked with my super cute nieces on skype (lots of skype kisses ;) JOY is the emotion at that moment, dropped off 6 shoe boxes for operation christmas child, pizza for dinner, realized the cats i'm watching might actually like me, and ended the night watching my favorite movie "The Holiday" with friends! oh and did I mention its snowing outside!! :)

Just what the doctor ordered

Yesterday couldn't have been a more perfect day! I have been needing to take a drive for a while.. Just to get away for a few hrs.. preferably the outdoors, But didn't want to get stranded with my unpredictable car..

But then Grace came to my rescue as she always does! and was like.. "Hey, what do you think about going on a little adventure on Sunday?! I think it would be exactly what we Need!" She seriously read my mind.. And of course I said yes!! So we packed up our warm clothes and headed to Cannon Beach, with a few snow flurries on the way :) 

Dave Barnes - "Christmas Tonight" with Hillary Scott .

This just might get me in the holiday spirit.. :)

late night processing

So last night I stayed up once again till 3am.. but this time with my friend Grace. She is the perfect friend for me because she lets me process everything verbally.. which I need! seriously, sometimes I dont even realize what im feeling inside till i speak it out. Grace is the most patient, loving, understanding and truth speaking women of God. She has a sense of wisdom about her. All this said I trust her completely. I am so thankful for our friendship! She has been one of the many treasures that the Lord has brought in my life since living here.
 Here are a few words from the Lord that I received last night! hopefully they could encourage someone else as well. 
1.The way to peace is through conflict - not around, not blocking it but Through! 
2. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Not on the problems around you. (read Hebrews 12 - message version)
3. Sometimes Jesus puts signposts in our lives that point us in the right direction: anxiety, stress, rushing, confusion, being pulled in lots of directions are all signs that it's NOT of God. His signposts are peace, Joy and clarity (sound mind)
 
We ended the night reading some scriptures that completely helped my spirit feel renewed. It amazes me when I just put myself in the word which is TRUTH! My whole focus on life changes. Not so much focus on me but on Him who gives us life!


May God, who puts all things together,
      makes all things whole,
   Who made a lasting mark through the sacrifice of Jesus,
      the sacrifice of blood that sealed the eternal covenant,
   Who led Jesus, our Great Shepherd,
      up and alive from the dead,
   Now put you together, provide you
      with everything you need to please him,
   Make us into what gives him most pleasure,
      by means of the sacrifice of Jesus, the Messiah.
   All glory to Jesus forever and always!
      Oh, yes, yes, yes.
(Hebrews 13..The message)

Life

 So, here's a little update on my living situation. I am currently living in a four bedroom house with two guys and a girl in SW Portland. I moved here about four months ago from a one bedroom apartment ,in the pearl district.. This is an older house ,off a dirt road, in the suburbs. It may seem like a drastic change.. well it kinda was but somehow I fit perfectly here. :) 

God has always prepared everything for me.. He is just steps ahead leading the way and opening doors. Its crazy to think i didn't know any of my house mates before i moved in.. and It feels unlikely to have us all get a long so well, Like a family even! This was a definite God sent! 

Another thing I never thought I would do, is live with boys apart from my dad or future husband, but here i am chillin with the dudes drinking a beer. in my own house haha.. and I kinda enjoy it. growing up in a family of all girls apart from my dad, had its challenges (maybe a little too much estrogen) sorry dadio. :) but wouldn't change that for anything. All I can say is living with boys and my super cute introverted, movie lovin, hand clappin house mate Penney, has been great! I love how she gets excited about the little things in life like I do! :)  and how the guys are so easy going.. 
 I know i'm right where I should be at this very moment. So all in all this has been a new experience and another chapter in my life here in portland. Im not sure how long I'll be here ,but for now its been a blessing to come home to.. 

patience..

patience in knowing where im going to live?. who im going to marry? and who God has called me to be? these are all thoughts that have been going through my mind..We NEVER know whats going to happen. Therefore we are not promised tomorrow. So God take away my control in not knowing what the future holds.. You are my peace that surpasses all understanding and I need to find rest in knowing/ believing that! so for now im just going to love God and love others! because thats what he has called us to do :) and those are the two things that will bring him and us joy as we walk through this Journey called Life.

And the TRUTH Is I miss you soooo...

This coldplay song is currently playing in the cafe where I work. It just amazes me how music can effect you in such a strong way. It can be so relatable to the motion felt at the exact moment you hear the first note. God has always spoken to me through music. So therefore Its kinda like the unspoken lyrics of my heart...

music at the cafe

Aria anaforium performs a holiday concert at the manhattan cafe! this is just a peek into my life here in Portland.This cafe is seriously my second home here.. I love it!